In past years, a Presidential nominee calling women he’s accused of groping ugly liars or a major foreign power allegedly hacking into huge swathes of campaign emails would be Internet-breaking ammo. In this election cycle, that’s a slow news day. As America’s collective bad karma continues to manifest in this strange surreality, we’ve become increasingly un-shockable. It’s been a few weeks since a non-Trump headline has hit this new, higher bar for astonishment. And then Pamela Anderson allegedly poisoned Julian Assange with a vegan Pret a Manger sandwich.
According to The Daily Mail, WikiLeaks founder Assange “says his internet link was ‘severed’ by state agents hours after claims he was poisoned by a Pret vegan sandwich brought to him by Pamela Anderson.” We might be less than a month away from a post-apocalyptic hell of our own creation, but no one can ever take that lede away from us.
Ludicrous as these death-by-Pret theories may seem, the facts in this case might be even stranger than fiction. Former Baywatch star and current anti-fur activist Pamela Anderson actually visited the WikiLeaks editor-in-chief last Saturday. Anderson and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, the anti-porn movement’s favorite odd couple, were in town to give a speech at the Oxford Union against the corrosive effects of pornography. Or as they phrased it in their recent, polarizing Wall Street Journal op-ed, porn is “a boring, wasteful and dead-end outlet for people too lazy to reap the ample rewards of healthy sexuality.”